I thought briefly about doing a Wordless Wednesday and then realized there haven't been many words at all from us lately. It's been quite the past few weeks for G and I, and I would be lying if I told you there haven't been some extremely dark moments. The situation we have encountered in our new home is so beyond anything I've previously dealt with, I have experienced a whole roller coaster of emotions I didn't know I could.
For me, a true home body in every sense of the phrase, incidents that were so uproarious to the peaceful balance I've come to expect from my apartments, past and present, made me feel lost. I was scared. Scared to make a sound, scared to walk too "loudly," scared to have G or I make an impression (good or bad) on anyone in the building, lest I persuade another neighbor to agree with the character from the third floor - that somehow G or I were a nuisance in the building.
This person - this unhinged individual - was winning this stupid mind game he had begun. His verbal and physical threats were taking their toll on both G and I. I tiptoed around, I stopped eating, I herded G as quickly as I could out of the building. I tried to find odd hours to take her out so as to see as few people as possible. I tried to blend in and stopped living my life freely.
The saddest part is that as I began to modify my behaviors to avoid, avoid, avoid, I began to treat G differently. Don't make a peep, G. Don't hesitate in the hallway, G. Bend to this unyielding anxiety, G, and just play along.
Today, I was propositioned to resell my apartment, believe it or not. I would likely take a (large) loss, but I could be away from this person forever. I thought about it for awhile this afternoon and while I haven't figured out anything one way or the other, a friend/co-worker said something to me that really stood out: "There will be assholes anywhere you go. You can't disrupt your life because of this person's prejudices."
Sure, many people have said something similar to me over the past few weeks, but maybe this time I was more willing to believe it. I can't run from uncomfortable situations in life - sometimes the way everyone learns the biggest lessons is to simply face these things head on.
I know, ultimately, G and I will prevail. I have faith in this singular belief. G and I have done nothing wrong - G hasn't barked at a single pup or person in this building (okay, aside from the delivery guy!). I will involve the police again, if need be, and will not hesitate to work with a lawyer to use the law if it continues to escalate.
Something this whole situation has taught me, though, despite taking its toll physically and mentally, is that I am tough and I am surrounded by wonderful, reasonable people. I also have an amazing, amazing dog, who is at the top of her Adult training class that we began yesterday (we're aiming for our CGC certification!). She is smart, wonderful and the absolute light of my life.