Saturday, March 24, 2012

A Disappointing, Frightening Experience

I was debating whether to share this experience with everyone, but I am simply so shaken and upset, I am interested to know how others would and/or have handled experiences like this.

Last night, I came home from dinner around 9:45pm and got G ready to go outside for the last potty break of the evening. I made it halfway down the stairs from our apartment and a man, who I had never seen before, was coming up the stairs. I stepped aside to let him passed, but he immediately stopped and started saying, "Is that a pit bull? You have a pit bull in this building?! Does the Board know about this?? Who are you? Where do you live? What's your name?"

As a single, twenty-something female in a new neighborhood and building, I was very, very uncomfortable. His words were aggressive and frightening and I just pulled G along and went down the rest of the stairs without answering his demands.

At that point he threatened me again, saying "I am just going to find out who are you through the Board anyway!" but I was already down the stairs and toward the lobby. I stopped by the doorman and asked him if he knew who this person was as I was worried for my safety. Would he wait for me by my apartment? Would he try and provoke me (or G) again?

As I was talking to the doorman, the man came running down the stairs and started yelling through the lobby. I took G outside to avoid the situation (and, you know, to let her go to the bathroom) and he again followed me out. He started claiming that, "We need to have a conversation about this. We have to be neighbors. I have young children and dog bites are the number one injury to small children. Why don't you want to have a conversation with me right now - we need to have a conversation!!"

I was so taken aback, so flustered that I simply said I did not want to have a conversation at that time and his actions did not exactly read as neighborly to me.

At that point, the Board president walked down the street and passed us, at which point the individual brought him into the conversation as follows, "[Board President], did you know this person brought a pit bull into the building?? Do you know about this? She won't speak to me! I want a witness to the conversation as I have concerns. You [to me] need to be extremely careful with that dog. There are children and families in this building."

I was so overwhelmed with the situation, I stayed quiet and simply stared at the President, who looked somewhat surprised at this interaction as well. The President asked if he could speak to the person separately and I gladly excused myself.

Luckily, the Board did know I had a dog, did know her breed and never raised it as an issue. There are no breed restrictions in the building and I was always forthcoming when asked about it.

So now, the morning after, I'm still feeling very upset. I have a note in to the Board President to discuss the incident and understand what exactly he said to this person to ensure it never happens again. Further, if I am harassed/chased again, I may need to involve the authorities as it is simply unacceptable for someone (especially a neighbor) to do this.

I am blogging about this so as to help anyone who has gone through something like this and also get some feedback on the situation. How would you have handled it? Is there anything I should  be doing to protect both G and I?

All in all, I just feel sad that a situation that should be so positive (moving to a new home - our first!) is tainted by the ignorance and aggression of a ill-informed individual.

15 comments:

  1. Wow, I cannot believe that happened to you and G. I am so, so sorry. It sounds to me like this man is mentally unstable. Under no circumstances should he have confronted you, a young woman, in a stairwell at night. And then to follow you outside into the lobby like that was extremely inappropriate. You behaved remarkably well, and should be proud of that! I would've been equally shaken and upset.

    Fortunately, it sounds to me like you have the law on your side (in terms of your condo's rules). I think you should absolutely tell the Board President about this man's actions because they are not acceptable under any circumstances!

    My only hope is that this guy can cool down and you can find a way to turn this into a positive experience. (Not that you should *have* to do anything, but this seems like a potential teaching moment, if not for this guy, then for your other neighbors). Perhaps you can speak to the board or your neighbors about pit bull type dogs, so they are educated. Also, G is such a sweetheart, but she will be a positive example in her own right. I would also share the Big Apple Pittie Pack article, which is another illustration of how responsible you are.

    Again, I'm so sorry this happened. Keep us posted.

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    1. Thanks for the reply, it means a lot! I'll definitely keep everyone up to date on how things unfold. The President responded to my email very appropriately and we will be speaking in person tomorrow. I told him that while I cannot know why this person responded to me in the way that they did and - if he was truly concerned about his kids - I could both understand and respect that, but addressing it in the way he did was beyond inappropriate.

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    2. Good, please do!! I'm glad that you're going to speak with him tomorrow in person, and that he responded appropriately. I always tend to think that when people have disproportionate, extreme reactions to things, it's a) always about them, and b) makes them look bad. I think it's always better to stay calm (and clearly he wanted you to fight with him) because you ended up looking graceful and he looked like a lunatic! Again, I hope that you can find a way to educate your building about pitties! Who knows, maybe someone else will learn from this. (P.S. I think G needs this shirt: http://www.cafepress.com/badrapstore.10768565 or this one: http://www.cafepress.com/badrapstore.10816376). :)

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  2. OMG! What an a**hole that guy is! I can understand people having concerns but there is a way to handle it and that guy blew it! In your favor, the President knew about your pittie and was ok with it. I probably would have run my mouth back at the guy (knowing me) but if he had been hostile and coming after me, Titan would not have it. And things probably would have been worse. I think you did well. I look forward to hearing an update on this and hopefully your neighbor doesn't give you anymore grief.

    smh @ small minded ppl

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    1. I'm hoping to make this a positive experience in some way but I'm not quite sure how exactly we will do that - yet!! In any event, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger and in this one instance I'm very glad I kept calm and quiet! :)

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    3. I'm glad you were able to remain calm in the face of someone who certainly wasn't! Sorry you had to deal with that.

      Just wanted to add - my husband would not have responded as well. Most of his responses would have made the new neighbor much more afraid of him than a pitbull : )

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  3. That sounds like a terrifying situation and definitely harassment. I hope the Board made this guy realize how inappropriately he acted.

    This might be overreacting, but I'd be concerned that he'll try to rally neighbors to make false complaints against you (noise, poop, etc.) It might be good to introduce G to neighbors positively before he has a chance to mouth off about "that woman with the pitbull".

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  4. You handled yourself really well it seems like. I probably would have told the guy to go F*** himself. I'm sure Schultz would have growled at him (angry strange man yelling at my mommy equals DANGER) and that would have just reinforced this man's belief that pit bulls are dangerous. What are scary and frustrating situation!

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  5. Oh wow- I can only imagine how scary that must have been! Skye would have growled at him, I can guarantee it. She gets very unsure when people are loud and in her face, other than kids. I think you responded in the best way possible- you made sure G wasn't put in a situation she couldn't handle. That man should be ashamed of himself- he probably was trying to provoke you and G into doing something he could use against you. Good luck!

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  6. I can't even imagine this happening at all much less right after you moved. Everything this guy did was totally out of line. I am so glad that you & G were able to keep your cool. Do not hesitate to call authorities if need be. We will keep you in our thoughts & pray that this guy wakes up to how scary & ridiculous his behavior was.

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  7. I have no words. I am more upset that this neighbor thinks it is necessary to chase a girl through a NYC building then his misguided beliefs. I am glad the board never gave you a problem. Were here for you! Did his ranting unnerve our G?

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  8. i'm so sorry that you had a confrontation like that. i, too, was once confronted by a "neighbor" regarding my 2 pomeranians.. you did the appropriate thing by not answering because anything you might have said might have been used against you by this person. he was totally out of line and truly owes you an apology; unfortunately, i doubt that this will happen. glad that the board president came by when he did and took this person aside. also glad that the board already knows about G and had no concerns when you first moved in. just walk with your head held high whenever you're with G. people like this have major issues, not the dog. you were so calm and cool despite everything; you rock!

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  9. If you google "how not to greet a dog" and "boogey's blog" you could print out examples on how to properly interact with dogs (regardless of breed). You could give them to your neighbor and stress the importance of education as annoying children are often the cause of dog bites.

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  10. You could file a complaint against him with the board. His actions were aggressive, threatening and intimidating. If in a similar situation you could tell the aggressor to step back while putting one hand up palm out as if gesturing "stop" for protection. Use brief verbal commands to the man stay back, don't come any closer, etc. While giving the commands continue to move away from the threat. If this happens again file a police report. Now that this man has drawn the attention of the board you could bring them facts regarding dog bites and breed specifics. There is a lot of information out there that clearly shows other breeds bite more and that pitties temperament test better than a Golden.

    Emma

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